A horror movie where you’re genuinely rooting for the killer to win.
I cannot believe that I’m actually typing this but today marks the THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of Luke’s Living Room! It’s unimaginable to me that I’ve been running this blog for this long and having an absolute blast reviewing the best and worst movies around. I just have to say a quick thank you to all of you, my incredible readers, for your years of support and engagement. I love writing this blog so much but knowing you all get just as much entertainment out of it means everything to me. Truly, thank you. Now, what better way to commemorate this momentous occasion than by reviewing a Netflix original movie that I thought would be fine and then ended up being atrociously awful? So thank you, There’s Someone Inside Your House (2021). Without you, I would have no way of encapsulating the essence of this blog on this special day. You know, unless I talked about how I AM STILL upset that that Golden Globes named The Martian (2015) the funniest movie of 2015 over Spy (2015). I WILL NEVER FORGET!
Based on the novel of the same name by Stephanie Perkins, There’s Someone Inside Your House tells the story of a group of high schoolers that are being stalked and murdered by a masked figure who is punishing them for their darkest secrets.
Remember when horror movies used to have actual heroes you legitimately rooted for? Heroes who valiantly fought against the villain and used their strength and skills to end the killer’s reign of terror? Heroes like Laurie Strode and Sidney Prescott! It seems like forever since we’ve had a horror heroine like that! Seems like I’m going to be waiting even longer for the next great horror heroine because There’s Someone Inside Your House is truly devoid of any interesting or noble characters. The way I could not care less about any of the kids in this movie. Both the heroes and the horribly nasty teens who get murdered. The main characters are written to be so bland and one-dimensional that I don’t think I took a single note about any one of them. I think I wrote more notes about the murder victims than the protagonists of There’s Someone Inside Your House.
Okay, so here’s the deal about the murder victims in this movie: You won’t feel an ounce of sympathy for any of them based on the secrets that were the reason for their murder. Okay, the one kid who was murdered because he was addicted to painkillers came out of nowhere and totally didn’t deserve to die for that. But the others? The football player who dies is a douchebag who viciously beat up a gay student and dismissed it as “team bonding.” The self-centred church girl is an alt-right racist / white supremacist. When both of these characters were getting murdered my only thought was, “bye bitch!” What they’re doing is undeniably abhorrent but like, how stupid can you be to take photo / audio evidence of these things you obviously wouldn’t want people to find out about? How dumb can you be in 2021? You deserve to die for not only being a truly awful person, but for also being idiotic enough to keep evidence of your terribleness. Like, I was completely okay with these horrible people facing the consequences of their horribleness. The big problem with this horror movie, besides it not being scary at all, is that you don’t care who lives and dies. It’s all so inconsequential. And that’s saying something because pretty much the entirety of There’s Someone Inside Your House is inconsequential.
Not only did I not care about any of the characters, but I also did not care about the mystery at the centre of There’s Someone Inside Your House. I only cared about confirming that my guess as to the identity of the killer was correct. Oh, and I totally was because it’s blatantly obvious who the killer is within the first 20 minutes. What a disappointment. Honestly, you could just watch a reel of all the murders on YouTube and then look up who the killer is. Though it’s less than 90 minutes, There’s Someone Inside Your House is not engaging enough to warrant sitting through. If you do end up watching it, I would say that you can skip any scene that isn’t a murder. Of course, than you may miss one of the unintentionally hilarious scenes. You know what? Anytime a dumb looking person looks like they’re about to speak, watch that!
What’s so baffling about There’s Someone Inside Your House is that it’s written less like an actual horror movie and more like an episode of Parks and Recreation (2009 – 2015) or 30 Rock (2006 – 2013). The movie is trying so hard to be dramatic and suspenseful but the way it’s written, especially the dialogue, makes it sound like a comedy parodying horror movies. When the football bro started grieving the dead football player by singing a country song and then pouring out a can of Monster energy drink and “hoping that they serve Fireball in paradise,” I lost it. I cackled loudly. What a missed opportunity to make this a black comedy. There’s Someone Inside Your House would like you to think that it’s very 13 Reasons Why (2017 – 2020) meets I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) but it’s tonally much more like Scary Movie (2000). But nowhere near as funny. I mean, it’s hilarious but you’re laughing AT the movie and not WITH it.
I’ve been making a lot of bad movie decisions lately. First I chose to watch Catch That Kid (2004) – check out my review, here – over Sky High (2005) and then I chose to watch There’s Someone Inside Your House instead of that Jake Gyllenhaal 911 responder movie The Guilty (2021). Now, I’m not saying that The Guilty would have been amazing, but oh my goodness, it surely couldn’t have been worse than this terrible horror movie. At least I got that hilarious moment of watching a football bro pour out Monster energy drink for his dead friend. Now THAT is cinema at its finest.
Have you seen There’s Someone Inside Your House?
Let me know int he comments or on social media!